Day 27+28: Get the children to fight your battles.

Today I heard 'Born This Way' by Gaga. It's a little 90s, a little fun, a little bouncy. I don't feel an urge to express myself or anything about myself that I feel I was 'born with', like my sharp humour or strong head of hair, BECAUSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME! Awaahhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa. (Seriously though, when I was born my face wasn't visible from all the head hair covering it. I could've crawled out of the womb straight into a V05 advert. A disgusting, messy, V05 advert.)

Back to Gaga. She does a lot of talking in the song, I don't feel anybody should talk in their songs unless they have cool voices. For example, non-cool talking moments in songs:

1) Britney Spears: Slave For You - "I know I may be young (pant pant), but I’ve got feelings too (pant). And I need to do (pant) what I feel like doing. So let me go and just listen."

She may be young, but she has feelings too. I also have feelings about that hat. 

2) Justin Timberlake: Like I love you - "You know, I used to dream about this when I was a little boy. I never thought it would end up this way, (drums) It's kind of special right? yeah You know, you think about it Sometimes people just destined Destined to do what they do And that's what it is Now everybody dance. "

I used to dream about having corn rows like those, when I was a little boy. I never thought I'd end up this way.  TAMBOURINE. 

3) This may be my worst. Jenny from Atomic Kitten, 'whole again' - "For now I'll have to wait, but baby if you change your mind..."

So many bad highlights. 

(Yes I did specifically choose the worst photos I could find of each artist. It makes things much more enjoyable for me)

People who had good speaking parts : Barry White, The guy from Boyz11Men "guurrl you know we belong together (growl growl growl), and Dracula in The Monster Mash - "Vateverr khappend to my Transylvania Tvist?"

So yes, Gaga shouldn't speak in songs as her talking voice isn't cool enough. And the words are utter shit.

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M 

Just put your paws up 
'Cause you were Born This Way, baby

What the frick is wrong with artists. These words aren't cool, or meaningful. All you have to do is find a few normal phrases, then change some of the words around to something 'bizzare'. 

Let's start with "If you love life, live it to the fullest". 

Transformed into...

"If you give knife, live it 'till it's salty. Don't be ashamed to lick the tip, the blood tastes good with anchilladas. VIVA MAMASITA" (Dance beat begins). 

I'll be on MTV in no time.

CHANGE IN SUBJECT. Yesterday I had to ice skate with the children. It actually went rather well, I was kind of helpful, the majority of the time I was just having fun gliding around. The difficulties experienced were BEFORE we went to the ice rink.

A boy I had never seen in the class before was there while all the children were gearing up to leave. I did not notice that he had a behavioural problem until he stole my bag and sat in the corner with it, glaring at me with such malice that I didn't know how to react. I tried going over and explaining, with my creepy smile of course, that this was my bag, and I'd like to have it back.

"NON. C'esstttt mon sac."

I tried to pry it gently from his grip, but he was skilled in this game. I genuinely didn't know what to do. It isn't considered socially 'acceptable' for adults to fight 4yr olds. I considered the fact that we would both be holding on to this bag forever, and that we had to make some type of arrangement. Whose house would we live at? Would I have to go to school with him? Would we need to make an extension chord for when one of us needed to take a shower?

THANKFULLY the 4yr old girl I care for from my host family came to my aid, telling the boy that this was my bag and he had to give it back. She gained followers, and I sincerely hoped that these 4 year olds would begin to physically fight each other for my sake. They would only get in a little trouble, their parents would take the majority of the punishment and shame. Eventually the boy was distracted with screaming at somebody and I grabbed my bag and scurried away, proud of my cowardice. 

I was later punished for not dealing with the situation more maturely in the form of karma. When putting the ice-skating boots on one of the small boys, he stabbed my in the boob with his shoe-blade and screamed TITTY.

I deserved it.